Strong Shell

I must be strong, I cannot cry

Tears only embarrass the people around me

I cannot fail, I cannot

Failure only tarnished the family name

I am not allowed to grieve

That would only cause people to ask questions

Questions that I can’t answer

Questions that would ruin a reputation

Questions are not acceptable.

I must pretend, and not cry.

God?

You don’t care about my wishes

All You want is Your own glory

What about my hopes and dreams?

You say, “What about them?”

I have no say in this life

You dictate what will happen

I have no say in the matter

You are Lord, I am not.
 

If I commit my life to God, He will put me where I don’t want to be. That’s how He works. What I want doesn’t matter. The man I love cannot matter anymore. God will separate me from the people I love so He can break me down and get glory from it. I can’t choose to walk away from Him because that would bring shame on the family. I don’t want to choose to totally give in to Him because He will ruin my hopes and dreams. But we are all told that there is no middle ground, we must pick a side. I cannot.

Transition

When you are ripped away from what you hold dear

What then will you do?

When you are forced to leave the place you call home

How then will you live?

When you are all alone with no permission to grieve

Where can you turn?

Apologies

I’m sorry for being me

I’m sorry for having to grieve

I’m sorry I’m not perfect

I’m sorry I don’t know everything

I’m sorry I can’t live up to your standards

I’m sorry I’m not always strong

I’m sorry for being an introvert

I’m sorry for being different than you

I’m sorry I’m not what you expect

I’m sorry I’m me.

Missionary Kids

Perfect

I have the right amount of struggles

I confess the appropriate amount of my struggles

I have no personal needs

I do not embarrass my family

I am open to strangers and friends alike

I know all the right answers

I have no real problems, I cannot

I am the embodiment of a perfect Christian kid

On the outside, because that’s all that matters

Perfection

What a lie